WASHINGTON - As we celebrate Pride Month 2021 throughout June, AUEagles.com will feature the personal stories of some members of our community who identify as LGBTQ+ and are open to sharing those stories. Our third Q&A is with women's basketball assistant coach,
Nikki Flores.
1) Let's start with some background and your personal story of coming out to yourself and others. How do you identify? When did you realize this and when did you begin telling others?
Coming out was a very natural process for me – I am lucky enough to come from a very accepting family and group of friends, which I know is not always the case for LGBTQ+ individuals. In my junior year of college, I first came out to my teammates and friends as lesbian, then shortly afterward had the face-to-face conversation with my parents and siblings. At the time, a handful of my friends had already come out as lesbian as well, so I would say me coming out was easy because I had the comfort of my own community already around me. Although I would call myself a "late bloomer" coming out as a junior in college, I would say I had feelings of being attracted to the same sex as young as pre-school, and all through grade school and high school, I just didn't have the vocabulary or education to fully realize my attraction and emotions. I am the first to come out in my family, so I never had a model to mirror in the LGBTQ+ community that would help me navigate my feelings, and potentially come out sooner.
2) Over the last few years the sports world, and in particular the women's basketball world, has made big strides in terms of inclusivity and LGBTQ+ rights, but this wasn't always the case. What was your experience like coming out to your teammates and coaches?
Coming out to my teammates was the easiest thing. We were a tight knit group (and still are), so me coming out was welcomed with open arms (and the occasional "what took you so long?" haha) and nothing but acceptance. My coaches were also accepting, although talking about the LGBTQ+ community was not a topic of discussion. Nor was Pride Month something that was celebrated in our athletic department when I was a student-athlete.
3) You are very open and honest about who you are and your truth with your players – was this a decision that you made when you first started as a coach? Or did it come later? Did you ever face any issues of acceptance from other coaches or players?
I will say it definitely took me time to get to where I am with being truly open about who I am with my players. There was always a concern in the back of my mind that maybe a recruit won't pick American if I'm too open, or maybe I will make a player feel uncomfortable if they know I'm gay – of course, these things never happened; it was a narrative I had in my own head in fear of not being fully accepted for who I was. I will say, Meg made it much easier for me be out and proud in the work place – I have worked at previous universities where being gay was something that was understood but not discussed. Maybe four years ago while working at AU is when I really got comfortable in my own skin and with my team. Not saying I was hiding who I was, but I wasn't as open about who I was like I am now. I came to a decision that if I didn't fully live my truth, how can I be a coach and influencer and not encourage the same from my players? So I chose to be authentic and more open with my coaching staff, my players, and even our athletic department; you never know how your "comfortability" with yourself and your identity can help another near or around you who may not be accepting of themselves yet. I always want people to live their honest truth and thrive in it, so I try to be an example as best I can. I have never faced issues of acceptance from coaches or players; however, I have never been the type of person who put a lot of weight in negative opinions from others, so maybe I did and I just didn't let it affect me.
4) How has being a part of the LGBTQ+ community shaped who you are as a coach?
I would say there is a big LGBTQ+ community in the women's basketball world, so the community itself has really been a big piece of my coaching because I have others like me in my line of work working the same grind. We support each other, and I have really found a great niche of fellow college coaches who are also a part of the LGTBQ+ community. I think it's important to have people like you around you because they understand your lifestyle and any challenges that may come along with it in your profession.
5) Let's dive a little deeper into your role as a coach, because you not only use your personal platform to speak out about LGBTQ+ rights and a variety of social justice issues, but you have also helped your players find their voices and use the team's platform to raise awareness about different causes. How important is it for you to be that example and help your student-athletes grow in more ways than just as basketball players?
First and foremost, visibility matters. When I came out in college, I had maybe one adult in my athletic department that I could go talk to who understood me as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. I didn't utilize that source enough, and instead tried to navigate my path with my friends who were also part of the LGBTQ+ community. As I got older and deeper into my coaching profession, I understood more and more how important it was for student-athletes to have an adult who they can relate to, and who can help guide them or give advice because they've been through life as an LGBTQ+ person. Growing throughout your college years is hard enough, but growing through those years as a member of a marginalized community can be heavy. The coolest part about being a coach is that we get to watch our student-athletes grow over four years of their life (and I have seen some of the most amazing transformations, believe that!), and I just want to make sure I do my part to be there for them and support them in their lives or anything they may feel strongly about, which means I need to continue to educate myself too and be a sounding board when they may need it. I didn't use my voice enough as a college student-athlete about issues I felt strongly about, and I don't want that for my players.
6) What issues have been the most important to you over the last few years, and was there a specific moment or cause that first lit the fire for you to become such an outspoken advocate?
The murder of George Floyd last May really put me over the top when it came to racial injustice. I would see all of the protests on TV, and wanted to be involved somehow and go downtown, but I was concerned about the health and safety of being in a big crowd in the middle of a pandemic that we didn't know enough about. I will say after a week I couldn't just sit at home anymore - our coaching staff went to a protest in downtown DC in early June to march for justice for the Black community.
I will say the other biggest issue that is important to me is the rights of my brothers and sisters in the transgender community. The biggest moment for me with trans rights was when North Carolina passed a bathroom bill in 2016 that excluded members of the trans community and restricted access to public restrooms based on an individual's sex assigned at birth, which is direct discrimination against the transgender community and their gender identity. Although part of the bill was repealed in 2017, the transgender and gender non-conforming community, particularly Black transgender women, continue to face the most violence than any population in the country and Anti-Trans Bathroom Bills continue to be proposed throughout the states. Right now, my hot button topic is denying trans athletes the right to compete in sports. Transgender Rights are Human Rights!
7) Have you ever helped anyone through their own issues in coming out? What advice would you offer to those struggling?
Yes I have. And I will say everybody's coming out story is different and there's no one-size-fits-all advice to coming out. Coming out is hard, even if you have the most supportive family and friends in the world – there's a level of vulnerability it takes to put yourself out there like that with the fear that you may not be fully accepted by the person you are telling. The best advice I can give is that you coming out is on your own timeline; don't let anyone (or social media even) pressure you into telling your story if you're not ready yet. You have to accept yourself first before you can expect others to accept you. Oh…and everyone loves labels; "Are you bisexual? Are you a lesbian? Well you can't be both you have to pick?" – allow yourself the time and space to decide for yourself what and who you want to be, this life is your life and no one else's!
8) Is there anything else you want to add?
Thank you for doing this for my people...We appreciate it!
